Creating and maintaining good personal boundaries is challenging. People who have good boundaries are respected and understood more readily. Good boundaries management is being responsive to life, not reactive and defensive. Boundary violations are often missed because they aren't seen; they are felt, and often created most often by our loved ones.

Some common boundary violations are: sarcasm, unsolicited criticism or advice, jokes at your expense, derogatory remarks, aggressive behavior, taking advantage of kindness, being late and wasting your time, teasing, indirectly implying or inferring, interrogation, intimidation, and guilt tactics.

When your boundaries are violated, you may experience headaches, a pit in the stomach, a racing heart, a lump in the throat, or heavy sighing. Use your body as an indicator to how you're feeling when someone oversteps into your boundary.

Changing how you communicate will make a world of difference in asserting your boundaries. Be straightforward and inform the person that their behavior is harmful to you. "When you show up late, you are disrespecting my time." State what you need and ask for change. "I want only constructive criticism."

People violate boundaries because they are trying to get your energy. To avoid this, be neutral and calm. Keep your tone devoid of sarcasm or anger. It drains your energy to become over emotional and the other person gets what they want. Remove yourself before you react. Be clear that this isn't about confrontation and that all matters can be settled in kindness.

Eventually people will know your boundaries and they won't try to manipulate you. Repetition is important so don't give up or let your boundaries down even once. Admittedly, this can be difficult, especially at first. Practice this visualization exercise: You are a train, even keeled and moving through life in a steady, honest and kind manner. You have the ultimate responsibility to keep the train on the tracks.